5 RULES THAT GUARANTEE A SECOND DATE (EVEN DURING CORONAVIRUS)

It’s no secret that dating in this millennial age is a never-ending nightmare, especially considering there’s a pandemic going on right outside of our stuffy apartments. The good news is, these rules work for video dates, too. I also have hope that COVID-19 will pass, and that we’ll get back to dating the way we used to – you know, like, in person.

Why is it that when we think the dates can’t get any worse, they do? Like the time I waited for a guy at a bar and he just didn’t. show. up. Or the date my sister went on with a mama’s boy whose overwhelming mediocracy was directly proportionate to his narcissism. What about the date my BFF went on before we had to social distance, with a guy who promised he was 6’2 but was actually, like, 5’2 and then had the audacity to text her and say, “there wasn’t any chemistry?” Or, of course, there are the dates that you think went well, and then – poof! – he’s gone – and you find yourself ghosted by yet another f*ckboy.

I don’t care if you’re a Victoria’s Secret Model (yes, I realize I’m a masochist for following them on Instagram) or a regular girl who loves eating pizza in her pajamas while watching 90 Day Fiancé – we all deserve to go out on a first date and AT LEAST be able to decide if we want a second one. 

Keeping the hope alive that you’ll one day find a guy who’s smart, funny, rich comes from a good family, ambitious, and good looking (is that too much to ask?) can be a lot. I don’t know if I can magically make your Prince Charming appear, but lucky for you, if a miracle happens and he does, these Smart Girl rules will guarantee a second date, even if it’s on FaceTime for now.

1. MAKE EYE CONTACT

I know, I know, you’re like, duh! But I’m not talking regular eye contact. I mean like look deeply into his eyes when he talks and don’t be afraid to smize (smile with your eyes, for those of us who live under a rock and haven’t heard Tyra Banks overuse the term on America’s Next Top Model). I am a woman (and a normal human being) so I am a feminist in every way, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know that men are physical beings and we, as women, have the power to use that to our advantage. Eye contact shows that you have confidence, and in the end, that’s one of the most attractive qualities we can attain. 

2. FIND AN EXCUSE TO TOUCH HIM (OR, IF IT’S A VIDEO DATE, SHOW SOME SKIN)

FIND AN EXCUSE TO TOUCH HIM: Let’s make something very clear – I don’t mean be super touchy in inappropriate areas on a first date. I mean show him your sensuality by gently putting your hand on his leg while giggling when he says something funny. Or squeeze his arm gently and if he teases you. Don’t overdo it, though, you know? But make him see that you’re warm and loving and touchy as opposed to…oh, idk, the cold heartless b*tch the dating world is slowly turning us into. 

VIDEO DATE MODIFICATION – SHOW SOME SKIN: I know we’ve been spending the past two weeks in old pajamas, and that’s totally okay considering the circumstances. But if you’re going on a video date, treat it like an in-person date, and show some skin. Obviously still be classy, though. Physicality works through the screen, so if you know you’re about to click that green connect button to video with the guy you met on Hinge, make sure you look not only presentable, but pretty hot. Find the good lighting, that little dab of an old half-melted cherry chapstick, and wear a cute top that shows your curves, k? Don’t worry, when you hang up you can change right back into your brother’s old high school lacrosse team sweatshirt.

3. ASK HIM ABOUT HIMSELF

Ladies, ladies, ladies. This one’s for the books. It’s SO easy because all you literally have to do is listen to him talk about himself. I know you want everything to be about you and for you to be the center of attention, and that will happen – LATER. Just be patient. First, though, in order to secure another date, you need to make the first few dates about him. If you spend the entire first date asking him about vacations he’s been on, about his family, his job, his education, he’ll have the best time ever because he’ll be talking about HIMSELF. Who doesn’t love talking about themselves? If I could, I would literally talk about myself all day. Sorry, but before he falls in love with you, he doesn’t care about your kitten or about how rude one of the bridesmaids were at your best friend’s wedding. Instead, if he spends the whole date talking about himself while you sip on your Sauvignon, he’ll go home thinking, “Wow, what a great date!” Of course it was, honey, you talked about yourself the whole time.

4. LAUGH AT ALL OF HIS JOKES

Don’t be that annoying girl with the high-pitched laugh that exaggerates every reaction – aka Alayah from the Bachelor. But DO be the girl that’s super bubbly and nice and laughs at his jokes even when they kind of suck. If you’re reading this, you’re a Smart Girl, which means you’ll probably be smarter than most of the guys you go on dates with. If you’re smarter than him, you’re also probably funnier than him, because everyone knows that intelligence and humor go hand-in-hand. That’s why my advice is to laugh at most of what he says anyway. He’ll feel good about himself, and that’s what we want. We want him to go home and feel good because if he does, he’ll want to be around whatever it is that made him feel good. And that, he’ll come to realize, is you. THEN you can choose if you want to go on a second date or not. The ball will be in your court.

5. LOVE YOURSELF AND DON’T JUST TAKE WHAT YOU CAN GET

It sounds cliché, I know, but I’m serious. If you love yourself unconditionally, it’ll be even easier for someone else to love you, too. Think about some of the thoughts that go through your mind about yourself and stop that negative sh*t. Talk kindly to yourself. Treat yourself the way you would treat someone you love SO MUCH. Like your little sisters. Or your kitten. You wouldn’t compare your kitten to said Victoria’s secret models, would you? Don’t beat yourself up about the ways in which you feel like you’re not good enough. That’s cruel, and Smart Girls are NOT cruel. I really do think that the more you value yourself and invest in what makes you feel good, the healthier partners you’ll attract. So, don’t just settle for whatever you can get. Remember that whether you want something serious or a casual fling, we Smart Girls deserve a relationship that simply makes us happy.