I FEEL LIKE A TEENAGER and I’m absolutely not one. If I feel like a teenager, I may as well get all of the benefits of being a teenager, right? Perky boobs, wrinkle-free skin, healthy luminous hair. But, no. Instead, I have teenager acne.
If I had to take an educated guess, I would assume that from the moment I woke up this morning to now, I have thought about the pimples covering my face at least 47 times. Even if I’m not leaning into the mirror and staring obsessively at my skin, I can always feel my acne. Always. I get this horrible stinging feeling and all it makes me want to do is itch my whole entire face and scream. I would compare it to the same feeling you get when your skin is dry from the winter cold but that’s not even a satisfactory comparison so forget it.
The point is, I just haven’t been me lately. Whether or not this is because of my acne or my non-me-ness is actually causing my acne is a topic up for discussion. But regardless, it’s been affecting my daily life and I won’t have it. I don’t feel like dressing up, going out, putting on makeup, or meeting new people. I can’t remember the last time a stranger stared at me in awe and told me I was beautiful. I used to get that all the time – literally numerous times a day. And now, I just don’t go out as much and all I really want to do is lie in bed and watch TV.
I know there are much worse situations in life – starving children in Africa, cancer, a nose-job-gone-wrong, blah-blah-blah, but for me, this acne bullshit has been the center of my life for the past three months. That’s three months of my 24-year-old life I will never get back.
And I’ve tried it all. From anti-biotics to topical creams to natural oils to whatever else your grandma may suggest, but goddammit nothing works. I’m on birth control now and since the moment that tiny blue pill has touched my tongue the only alternations I’ve encountered are 1) more pimples and 2) grumpiness. I have to write that the pills will work regardless because usually when I write something down it actually happens. So – these birth control pills will clear up my acne and I’ll be back to being me. Amen.
Last night I watched Maid in Manhattan for the 4th or 5th time. Relax, I didn’t order it On Demand, it was just on. The best thing about that movie was that I forgot about my acne for a few minutes until the camera zoomed in on Jennifer Lopez’s perfect face and I remembered what mine looks like. The second best thing about that movie was a line one of the maids said to Jennifer while she was getting ready for her date with the rich politician. The quote went something along the lines of this: people are not defined by what goes well in their life; they are instead defined by how they pick themselves up from negative situations. It sounded a little bit better than that. Anyway, something about that sentence hit a nerve with me. I realized something: I can’t break down and cry and not want to go out or see people because of my skin. Hell no! I won’t let this negative situation affect me like that – I have to pick myself up and say fuck it. The way I manage to overcome this acne period will define me for the rest of my life. Until now, I’ve been exhausted and indifferent and crying daily. Now, thanks to JLo’s maid friend, I’ll have to ignore these bumps and live my life. Life is too short to cry over acne.
The up side is that I have a boyfriend who is obviously blinded by love and doesn’t even seem to even notice my atrocious dermatological issue. Now you hate me. How can I be complaining so persistently, typing away at my computer, when I have a boyfriend sitting on our living room couch in his boxers reading the newspaper? And not just any boyfriend. This guy is it. Blonde, tall, gorgeous, kind, respectful, and rich. Okay, so he isn’t a doctor, but I can deal with that. He doesn’t care about my pimples. He doesn’t care that, for the past three months, I’ve been a horrible acne-ridden bitch that feels sorry for herself. He just loves me and there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it.
Still, for me, acne sucks. Big time. But life is going to suck sometimes, and then, when you least expect it, it’s going to get better.
Kisses,
Smart Girl