Good morning, Smart Girls. It’s time for an SGK story that might just save your next date. There’s a dating mistake I keep seeing happen over and over again and let me just say: IT. NEEDS. TO. STOP.
I was at Ralph’s Coffee on 72nd and Madison on a Saturday afternoon writing, when I overheard a couple sitting across from me. Call it eavesdropping, call it what you want. I call it overhearing. From what I could tell as I glimpsed over the top of my laptop, the couple must have been on a second or third date, and the guy wasn’t anything special. He looked like he was in his late twenties, of average height, tattooed, and wore a Led Zeppelin t-shirt and a beige Acne beanie. A younger version of Travis Barker.
The girl was beautiful; curvy and tan with shoulder-length black hair that was half up in a cool-girl black and white ying-yang hair clip. She wore a white sweater with light pink buttons and her lips were glossy enough to look shiny without looking sticky. Kravis Jr., let’s call the couple. As I continued to eavesdrop, I mean, overhear, their conversation, I realized that she was telling him a story about a trip she took to Italy. That’s fine, right? She was just making conversation, right? Wrong. Why? Because she was making a horrible mistake I see over and over again in the modern dating world. While telling her story, she was scrolling through her phone, zooming in on pictures and playing him video after video. “NO! STOP!” I wanted to yell.
As the girl sat there scrolling, she was lost in her own experiences, and he was disconnected from them.
“Oh! This was the wedding I went to, it was stunning, off the coast of Capri. Look, look how they lifted the bride up in the chair! Oh my GOD, you have to see the video of her almost falling over, it was so scary but hilarious. Wait, let me find it.”
Meanwhile, the guy literally put his hand over his mouth to cover his yawn, and I watched as his eyes wandered to the Splenda packets on the table. He took another sip of his iced coffee, while she not only blabbered away but also kept showing him more videos. It was seriously cringeworthy.
NEVER SHOW PICTURES OR VIDEOS ON YOUR PHONE TO ANY DATE. EVER.
If you want to tell a story, look into the guy’s eyes and tell him. Better yet, ask him to tell YOU a story, so that he gets the same endorphins you’re getting while talking about yourself. When you share an experience, the point isn’t the story itself, but the connection you’re building with the person you’re sharing the story with. You could be talking about the way sunlight strikes the Trevi fountain, about the way the coins gleam and turn in the water, for all I care. But TELL him, don’t SHOW him.
Because when you tell a story and look into his eyes, you can see his reaction and he can see yours. You connect. But when your head is buried in your phone, that connection is lost. It’s broken. It doesn’t exist. It goes kapoot. And here’s the sad truth you have to hear: NOBODY cares about the pictures on your phone. Not a date, not your friends, not even your mother.
So, do you really think I could just sit there at Ralph’s without saying anything to the girl? Come on, Smart Girls, you know me better than that. I wanted things to work out for Kravis Jr.
When the girl finally stopped talking and got up to use the bathroom, I considered this my opportunity. In the bathroom, as we were washing our hands at the sink, I looked at her through the mirror and smiled. She smiled back. Just before she was about to turn to dry her hands, I blurted it out, “Can I ask you something?”
She nodded slowly, her smile tight.
“Do you like this guy? The guy you’re sitting with?” I asked.
She laughed. “Yeah, I do, why?”
“It looks like he really likes you, too. But listen, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way. You have to stop showing him pictures on your phone. Talk to him. Look in his eyes. Put your phone away.”
“Um, okay,” she said, and walked out of the bathroom without drying her hands.
When I sat back down at the table, I tried not to stare at Kravis Jr. especially since the girl kept looking at me with this horrible glare of I hate you on her face. I have to say, though, that from that moment onward she didn’t take her phone out once. All of a sudden, the guy straightened up and started talking, too. I glanced up quickly and saw them laughing – the first time he cracked a smile the entire date. By the time I ordered the check, they were still sitting together, their coffee cups empty, blabbing away like nobody else existed.
When the guy got up to go to the bathroom, the girl looked over at me and we made eye contact. Before I could turn away, she smile and mouthed, “Thank you.”
Was it totally rude and aggressive of me to follow her into the bathroom and give her dating advice? Yes. Did it seem like I was arrogant and judgmental? Yes. Was I being arrogant and judgmental? Technically, yes. But were my intentions good? Also, yes. And, most importantly, did they help her? YES.
Don’t make the same mistake this girl kept making. NEVER SHOW PICTURES ON YOUR PHONE. It’s a mistake we make so often, but can so easily fix.
Next time you feel like showing something, anything, on your phone, I hope you hear my voice in your ear.
NO! Stop! No one cares!
Xoxo,
Smart Girl