Clare Crawley is the queen of being open and honest. Of never settling. Of waiting for the right guy and being true to herself. Of “when you know, you know.” Of showing up.
But guess what? Men, all men—apparently even sweetheart Dale—don’t respond to full and utter openness and honesty. They don’t respond to talking about babies and marriage and forever, while sitting across from Chris Harrison, teary-eyed and love struck. Men don’t appreciate a kind soul like Clare’s, who doesn’t follow any rules, who doesn’t play any games, who lives her truth and hopes for the best.
If something is too good to be true, it isn’t true.
So why did Clare and Dale actually break up? Apparently he cheated on her with a different girl every week while he was out in New York City. I don’t believe the rumors, but there’s one thing I know for sure. Clare and Dale broke up because Clare didn’t follow the Smart Girl Rules. In her defense, she did everything we’ve always wished we could do. She told Dale (and the world) exactly how she felt about him. She didn’t hold back. She called whenever she wanted and moved in with him after a premature proposal. She was “genuinely invested” in the relationship from the very first moment she laid eyes on Dale as he walked out of that limo with his kind eyes and big, beautiful smile. Clare didn’t hesitate to show Dale that he was her first priority, that he was the most important man of all, that he didn’t have to work or chase her, that all he had to do was just let her love him.
If you remember, Clare sneaked out of group dates to make out with Dale any chance she got, she looked into his eyes and without really meaning to, practically begged him to love her, to propose to her, to marry her. And still, she’s probably sitting at her house, broken hearted and sobbing, unable to comprehend how and why this happened to her. Again. I feel so bad for her. I just want to hug her and tell her that everything is going to be okay. That if she changes her ways right now, she can turn her love life around.
Obviously, at 39-years-old, what Clare has been doing up until now hasn’t been working for her, and I’m not surprised. The bad news is, if Clare doesn’t change her ways and become a Smart Girl, she’ll probably be alone forever. The good news is, by figuring out her mistakes, we Smart Girls will be sure to never, ever make them.
- STOP SHOWING UP.
When you think of Clare Crawley, you think of showing up. The amount of times she uttered that phrase on The Bachelorette only naturally turned into a drinking game for my girlfriends and me, and I don’t have to tell you that we were drunk after fifteen minutes. Clare always talks about how important it is to show up. But the thing is, Clare needs to STOP showing up. Men don’t need a woman who constantly shows up for them. Sometimes, they just want some breathing room. They need a woman who presents some sort of challenge, even the littlest bit. Not one that won’t stop talking about babies. Which brings me to our next Clare-inspired Smart Girl Rule. - DON’T TALK ABOUT BABIES. Don’t talk about babies unless you’re married or have been with your significant other for long enough to start thinking about it. Clare smothered Dale in baby talk only a few weeks after their super-rushed, very public proposal. I watched as her eye’s grew wide is anticipation and desperation when Chris Harrison mentioned kids, while Dale looked like someone had just pantsed him at the school dance.
- DON’T PUT SO MUCH PRESSURE ON THE RELATIONSHIP. Marriage, engagement, babies. It all sounds reasonable to you, doesn’t it? Same. But to men, this sounds like pressure, pressure, stress, anxiety, and more pressure. We don’t have to lay all the cards out, you know? Don’t worry. We can eventually have it all, slowly and carefully, by following the Smart Girl Rules.
- PLAY THE GAME. I know your girlfriends and moms and aunts will say that you shouldn’t play games in open, honest relationships, but, sorry, they’re wrong. Play the game for his sake, ok? If guy’s didn’t NEED to play games, we sure as hell wouldn’t play them. But they do. Clare didn’t play any games. She told Dale how obsessed she was with him and wasted her entire chance at being The Bachelorette for a guy that she fell in love with at first sight. Right off the bat, Clare showed Dale that She. Was. His. And how far did that get her?
- LET THE LOVE SIMMER. My grandmother always says, love is like a delicious tomato sauce simmering on the stove. If you turn the heat up too high, it burns. But if you keep it on low and let it simmer, the sauce is creamy and delectable. Clare and Dale’s love story started off fiery and hot, the stove on full blast, and burned out the same exact way—fast and furiously. Give love a chance, even if you aren’t falling head over heels after a date or two. Trust my grandma, it’s so much better that way.
After reading just about every Clare and Dale article for this piece, I was still shocked to find that Clare told US Weekly that she “will continue to show up, stand by [her] word, and be committed to love.” Will she NEVER learn? I wish Clare would understand that being committed to love, especially so early on, doesn’t guarantee a successful relationship. My heart hurts for Clare, and I honestly wish she would just TRY the Smart Girl Rules for ONE relationship in the future, but until then, at least we can learn from her mistakes.
XO,
SGK