When my boyfriend Jake and I started dating, I decided that this time, I wasn’t going to play any games.
I thought: He’s different, I’m different, and this relationship is different.
Well guess what? Nothing is different. Men are men and no matter what they say, they need a little bit of hard to get.
I felt this unbelievable connection with Jake. He bought me flowers and even took me out for sushi after we had sex for the first time.
“He looked at me the same way you look at pizza when you first open the delivery box.”
I remember thinking: See, Raz! You don’t need to play any games. You’re being the real you! It’s been an entire month and everything is totally fine.
So I called him whenever I wanted to call. And I texted him first, even double texting sometimes! I waited for him before I made any of my own plans because why would I ever be busy if he’s my first priority? I didn’t even think twice. I was doing exactly what I was feeling, what my heart was telling me. No games, right?
WRONG.
You guess it. Jake took a step back. Now, I’ll admit that it wasn’t this huge sudden step back – he wasn’t about to break up with me or anything – but if I didn’t do something about it – right now – I could tell that this relationship would be heading in the wrong direction. I could also tell that Jake just wasn’t as excited about me as he used to be. The usual goodnight phone call would come much later at night, and the texts wouldn’t come at all. This one horrible time, Jake got back from a business trip in Germany and made plans to go out with his guy friends the day he got back, instead of with me. Rude.
Obviously, I freaked out. How could it be that when I fell hard, he took a step back #taylorswift? I played and replayed our dates, our mornings, our “study” sessions (we studied political science together but could definitely have been anatomy majors…) and still couldn’t figure out why he just wasn’t that into me anymore.
That’s when I decided to do something I had never really done before. I had nothing to lose. Instead of taking a step forward when he took a step back, I decided that if he was going to take one step back, I was going to take two.
I was ready for this, big time.
Tip #1: DO NOT CALL HIM. EVER.
First, I stopped calling him. For the first few days, he didn’t really seem to notice. But then, all of a sudden, he started calling me more. Much more. He subconsciously realized that he didn’t have me in the palm of his hands. If he didn’t hold on tight, I would slip away like sand.
Tip #2: TALK ABOUT HIM.
Second, instead of constantly talking about myself on our dates (sorry I’m a typical egocentric 24-year-old being) I started making sure we talked about him. His dreams, his feelings, his past experiences traveling to Cambodia, whatever. As long as we were talking about him, I was happy. Why, you ask? Because everybody loves to talk about themselves. No, really, it’s a known thing. According to TIME Magazine, science says people get endorphins and physically feel good whenever they talk about themselves. So make sure you’re talking about him on a date. That way, when he gets home and takes off his shoes, he thinks to himself: Wow, I had a great time with her tonight. Of course you did, silly. You talked about yourself the whole time.
Tip #3: REACH OUT, LITERALLY.
Lastly, REACH OUT, literally. Every once in a while, touch his thigh, laugh at his jokes and lightly rest your hand on his arm, whatever you need to do to show him that you are a sensual woman, not just a friend. Men are, well, men. We can’t help it, and they can’t help it and that’s fine. Touch is the perfect way to use that to your advantage.
I know, dating is hard. It’s like even if you think you know exactly what you’re doing, you probably don’t. But now, you will.
So, there they are – the three simple dating tips to absolutely live by. Only if, of course, you’re smart girl and you know it.